i sware i'll let you in.

what happened today was not what i expected at all. happy it's a friday, so i went to the mall for the first time in months. i wanted to see my old rockville friends, and the ones i usually see whenever i go there. but there was one person i did not expect to see, at all. and it was one of those people you don't normally see, or talk to, every once in a while. it's one of those people you don't see or talk to for months, and when you do, you never want to stop. that's how i felt. no, i lied. to tell you the God honest truth, my heart completely sank when i saw him. it's been since February, and i didn't even recognize him. it took me a while. "dani, that boy's talking to you. he's waving at you. he called your name" i'm aware of this. do i recognize this boy? not at all. then he yelled his name, after noticing my confusion. holy shit, did my heart stop when i heard his name. i didn't even know what to say. "NUH UH." that's all i could say. then i flipped out and bearhugged him. xP
but even before that, i had this strange gut feeling that he would return from the past. i had that feeling that he'd be there, and i was kinda hoping for it in a way. i remembered always only seeing him randomly one day in the mall, and it'd make my day. but today was just so different. i've been really confused these last couple days, and the ones in my life that i'm paying the most attention to.
but with this one, i really fucked it up. the first time, and the second time. and it was because of two fucking bastards that fucked up my life so bad. i wish i never did that, i wish i could go back and stop myself from getting into that mess in the first place.
i remember the day i was sitting in the mall, outside of Barnes and Noble, when he told me that he wanted to learn to play "Kelsey" by metro station for me. and that he started singing it to me. it was the sweetest thing anybody has every done for me. and i still remember that, and i still listen to that song constantly and think of him. when it plays, i think of him without even realizing it. and after seeing him today, i couldn't stop playing it on my phone. i'm listening to it now, and i have been since i started writing this, over and over.
i'm just afraid that if i try to fix things up, and maybe work everything out, it'll already be too late. that's what i'm really afraid of. what if it really is too late?