petrified.

looking at the big picture, i could say that life is great right now.
but there's alot of little things that have been slowly making their mark.
i'm trying not to let it bother me too much, but it keeps building up.
the greatest thing in my life is my boyfriend. i never would've thought that someone could have such a huge impact on my life in such little time. and yeah, everyone's probably gonna read that and think 'oh, i bet she says that about all her boyfriends' because that's what everyone says about everyone.
well it's bullshit. every single person has had an impact on my life. but this is different. and i don't give a fuck what anyone has to say about it, because he has made me happier than i ever have been.
i love that i can see him almost everyday, and that he goes to mcc, where i attend the high school there.
i love that we get along so well with each other's friends.
i love that i can trust him with anything, and that i've never heard a single bad thing about him before.
i love that every time i ask someone if i should be worried about anything, they always say never.
i love that he's so loyal, trustworthy, respectful, and positive about life.
there's not sedition between us, there's nothing that worries me.
sure, there's the occasion typical girlfriend issues, like when they go party and you're not there.
or when they go out with friends you don't know, especially if they're girls.
but that's normal, of course i'm going to worry about those things. because i'm constantly hoping to myself that i won't lose him in any way, or to anyone else.
but i'm petrified. i'm completely petrified of falling in love.
i've never been in love, and i never expected myself to ever fall in love.
but now i'm really scared, because he's got a pretty tight grip on me, and he's practically got my whole heart in the palm of his hands. i trust him not to break it though.

song.

they really aren't that good at all, but I've been teaching myself guitar and a few friends wanted to start a band with me, so I've been considering some of my old writings that I've dug up. feel free to be totally honest and lemme know what you think. i know it sucks, it's an old one, I'll work on it. ;)


I can`t find the words
To explain how I feel.
But my actions will show
My intentions are real.
and all the beats you give my heart
are for every moment you've proven surreal.

it's your voice, your touch
that cunning smile
that gives me so many butterflies
you make it all worthwhile.
just hold me here,
we can fly for miles.

if i was given just one choice,
the decision to make it through,
I'd push everything away
just to be with you.


i'll work on it. i had to stop because i gotta go do homework. comments please! (: