-___-

my favorite phrase of the moment: "fuck it all".

hourglass.

has anyone ever mentioned how hard it is to forget, AND forgive?
not easy at all, i can tell you that much. and recently, it's been easier for me to forget, than forgive.
time is not what i have right now, and i need it more than anything.
but every minute feels like a second, every hour a minute.
and everyone just keeps begging for my assistance, begging for an answer.
i'm not going to answer you, i won't pick up the phone for anyone.
i won't assist in your needs, i won't be 100% there for you.
because if i don't deserve to be treated that way, then nobody else does either.
these days are like tiny grains of sand in a little hourglass.
quickly passing by, in an active blur. it's going to end so soon, so very soon.
and all i want to do is hold it sideways, so it can't pass anymore.
but once the sand is falling, you can't flip it and start all over again.




but today, for the first time in a long time, i actually had a good night.

you treat me just like another stranger.

well it's nice to meet you, sir. i guess i'll go, i best be on my way out.

that song fits so perfectly with things right now.
i wish i could scream you those words,
so much that it'll just stain your thoughts so you won't forget
exactly how i feel.
tell me you still care, and actually mean it this time.

sing this song for me;

and tell me how you'll never leave my side.

I've been given more than enough time to make a decision. after a few days, i feel like I've deprived myself of what i really want in life. i don't want another hookup, or another "let's catch up" type of thing. i'm done with those. all i want is someone that i know will make me smile without trying, that can just hold me in their arms for what feels like hours without even saying a word, just feeling the warmth of each others bodies. someone to just watching a movie with, with no intention on doing anything sexual. someone that i know will listen to me, no matter what i have to say, no matter how stupid or random or dorky it was. someone i can feel myself around, 100%.
that was only with you. and now i feel like i completely and totally fucked it up, bad. i want it all back. i'm sorry for hurting you, i'm sorry for accusing you. these other guys trying to interfere, they don't compare at all. i know i haven't known you that long, but i really feel that connection with you. i don't care what everyone else has to say about you, they don't know you like i do. i can see myself being with you for a very long time, and i don't know if you see it too, but i have confidence that you do. i want to be with you, and only you.

you only get one chance, one true shot to make it.

andy is amazing(:

^^lol, sorry my friend made me do that. :P

so today has been pretty interesting, i guess. it has been raining all day, and i've been cooped up inside for hours. so i decided to expand my myspace friend's list a bit, and find more people from my area. i love meeting new people, so i just added a bunch of random people from CT and started talking to them. boys and girls, lol. and apparently, as michelle puts it, i'm a 'guy magnet'. -____- and yknow, that's the last thing i wanted right now, was more fricken guys that started to like me, when i already have 3 guys problems going on right now. i mean i enjoy it, it definitely builds up my self esteem, but idk. maybe i just should slow down even more. :|

i sware i'll let you in.

what happened today was not what i expected at all. happy it's a friday, so i went to the mall for the first time in months. i wanted to see my old rockville friends, and the ones i usually see whenever i go there. but there was one person i did not expect to see, at all. and it was one of those people you don't normally see, or talk to, every once in a while. it's one of those people you don't see or talk to for months, and when you do, you never want to stop. that's how i felt. no, i lied. to tell you the God honest truth, my heart completely sank when i saw him. it's been since February, and i didn't even recognize him. it took me a while. "dani, that boy's talking to you. he's waving at you. he called your name" i'm aware of this. do i recognize this boy? not at all. then he yelled his name, after noticing my confusion. holy shit, did my heart stop when i heard his name. i didn't even know what to say. "NUH UH." that's all i could say. then i flipped out and bearhugged him. xP
but even before that, i had this strange gut feeling that he would return from the past. i had that feeling that he'd be there, and i was kinda hoping for it in a way. i remembered always only seeing him randomly one day in the mall, and it'd make my day. but today was just so different. i've been really confused these last couple days, and the ones in my life that i'm paying the most attention to.
but with this one, i really fucked it up. the first time, and the second time. and it was because of two fucking bastards that fucked up my life so bad. i wish i never did that, i wish i could go back and stop myself from getting into that mess in the first place.
i remember the day i was sitting in the mall, outside of Barnes and Noble, when he told me that he wanted to learn to play "Kelsey" by metro station for me. and that he started singing it to me. it was the sweetest thing anybody has every done for me. and i still remember that, and i still listen to that song constantly and think of him. when it plays, i think of him without even realizing it. and after seeing him today, i couldn't stop playing it on my phone. i'm listening to it now, and i have been since i started writing this, over and over.
i'm just afraid that if i try to fix things up, and maybe work everything out, it'll already be too late. that's what i'm really afraid of. what if it really is too late?

my music is gone.

so, today my IPod got stolen. -____-
i was sitting in chem class, and i moved up like five seats to see the notes on the board better. my ipod was right in my side pocket of my backpack, where i always keep it, and it was even covered by my hoodie on the lab table. i was up in the front for the last.. like 30 minutes of class. now there's this boy that sits next to me in the back, and i don't even know his name, but he left 10 minutes before the end of class. not allowed, at all. he like sneaked out somehow. but he was gone before i even went back to my original seat, and that's when i noticed it was gone.
i told my teacher, he announced it to the class, and nobody was absent so he said that everyone is gonna be in trouble if nobody confesses. and that's when he noticed the kidd was gone. we told the school's police and the principal and shit, and they are going to talk to the kid and his parents in the morning. (chemistry was my last class of the day)
i'm keeping my fingers crossed, that bastard better return my fucking IPod.

so besides that, today was kinda a good day. i don't know why, but i kinda transformed my mood and that kinda helped in a way. i might be able to go to a concert i've been dying to go to, but it's sold out, and it's with two of my favorite bands. so that put me in a great mood. the boy i'm sorta seeing has been really sick recently and may need surgery on his throat, but today he told me he's feeling a bit better, so that's a huge plus.
i guess life's been pretty okay recently.