rofflewaffles.

for once in a long time, i can actually say
I'm happy. (:
and it's not because of a guy, even though there's one that has been on my mind a lot lately.
but it's just because I'm drama-free, I'm succeeding in school, I'm not doing things i shouldn't be doing, I'm having fun with life, and I'm living it to the fullest.

it's so great. :D

i'm not the same kidd from your memory.

I've procrastinated writing here. i just haven't had much to talk about, that matters most. life's passing in a blur, and nothing really matters that much anymore. nobody's the same, life's not the same at all. but most of all, i've changed. and i've learned that it's not worth being put through the same bullshit that's been handed to me over and over again. i'm done putting it off and acting like everything's okay. i've learned who my true friend's are, and that having to give them multiple chances is not going to make it better, or make them learn from their mistakes. i've been screwed over way too many times by the same people to have to just keep forgiving them and moving on. because later down the road, history just repeats itself, and the whole process starts all over again.
i'm sick of it. if i'm done, i'm done. don't test me. the lies, the pressure, the anger. i don't need it, and i don't want it. i don't care who hates me, or who complains that i'm not the same person anymore. i'm obviously going to change, everyone does. I'd like to see it that i'm changing for the better. I've been maturing a lot recently, and I've noticed that most of the people who bitch about us 'not being close anymore' aren't even going to care after high school. there's only one person i can think of at this very moment that i know for a fact will still be right behind me after i graduate and go off to college. yeah, maybe some of those other people i know i will still be close with, but it's highly unlikely.
i'm not going to let anyone or anything get into the way of what i want to do in life, of my dreams, and my goals. and I've already started erasing people from my life that are doing that. i don't need anyone to block me from the road i'm walking down.
so for those who i do end up pushing away, i'm sorry. but it was nice knowing you. and believe me, they've all had a huge impact on my life. it's just not something that will last forever.

-___-

my favorite phrase of the moment: "fuck it all".

hourglass.

has anyone ever mentioned how hard it is to forget, AND forgive?
not easy at all, i can tell you that much. and recently, it's been easier for me to forget, than forgive.
time is not what i have right now, and i need it more than anything.
but every minute feels like a second, every hour a minute.
and everyone just keeps begging for my assistance, begging for an answer.
i'm not going to answer you, i won't pick up the phone for anyone.
i won't assist in your needs, i won't be 100% there for you.
because if i don't deserve to be treated that way, then nobody else does either.
these days are like tiny grains of sand in a little hourglass.
quickly passing by, in an active blur. it's going to end so soon, so very soon.
and all i want to do is hold it sideways, so it can't pass anymore.
but once the sand is falling, you can't flip it and start all over again.




but today, for the first time in a long time, i actually had a good night.

you treat me just like another stranger.

well it's nice to meet you, sir. i guess i'll go, i best be on my way out.

that song fits so perfectly with things right now.
i wish i could scream you those words,
so much that it'll just stain your thoughts so you won't forget
exactly how i feel.
tell me you still care, and actually mean it this time.

sing this song for me;

and tell me how you'll never leave my side.

I've been given more than enough time to make a decision. after a few days, i feel like I've deprived myself of what i really want in life. i don't want another hookup, or another "let's catch up" type of thing. i'm done with those. all i want is someone that i know will make me smile without trying, that can just hold me in their arms for what feels like hours without even saying a word, just feeling the warmth of each others bodies. someone to just watching a movie with, with no intention on doing anything sexual. someone that i know will listen to me, no matter what i have to say, no matter how stupid or random or dorky it was. someone i can feel myself around, 100%.
that was only with you. and now i feel like i completely and totally fucked it up, bad. i want it all back. i'm sorry for hurting you, i'm sorry for accusing you. these other guys trying to interfere, they don't compare at all. i know i haven't known you that long, but i really feel that connection with you. i don't care what everyone else has to say about you, they don't know you like i do. i can see myself being with you for a very long time, and i don't know if you see it too, but i have confidence that you do. i want to be with you, and only you.

you only get one chance, one true shot to make it.

andy is amazing(:

^^lol, sorry my friend made me do that. :P

so today has been pretty interesting, i guess. it has been raining all day, and i've been cooped up inside for hours. so i decided to expand my myspace friend's list a bit, and find more people from my area. i love meeting new people, so i just added a bunch of random people from CT and started talking to them. boys and girls, lol. and apparently, as michelle puts it, i'm a 'guy magnet'. -____- and yknow, that's the last thing i wanted right now, was more fricken guys that started to like me, when i already have 3 guys problems going on right now. i mean i enjoy it, it definitely builds up my self esteem, but idk. maybe i just should slow down even more. :|